I was stunned. I wanted the results to be negative, but of course, they weren’t. I was at the hospital ready to give birth to my second child and there I was, COVID-19 positive. The nurses quickly left our room and before I knew it, we were isolated. I felt anxious that they would take my baby from me. I felt anxious that she would be born and battle the very illness that caused a global pandemic. I cried out of frustration and guilt; there was no one to blame but myself. I had been irresponsible.
The day progressed and we continued to wait for our little one’s arrival. I was being induced, but this time things seemed to move at an incredibly slow pace. My contractions were slowing down, the trips to our room were slowing down, and my energy was slowing down. My impatience, however, was the only thing that seemed to move at a quick pace. I wanted to hold my baby, I wanted answers about what we were facing, and I wanted to be home with my toddler.
In the midst of my self-pity, the room suddenly was full of nurses and my doctor. They stared ahead at the monitor, calmly explaining to me that the cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. I took a deep breath and simply prayed. I told myself to relax. If the doctor was calm, I had to be calm as well. They used an internal monitor to keep a closer eye on her and regardless of the dips on the monitor, a calm had come over me. While the day had not gone as I planned and everything was becoming stressful, I just knew that we were going to be okay.
When it became time for the baby’s arrival, I did exactly as the doctor instructed. With Aria’s birth, I was nervous about becoming a new mother, but with this one, my maternal instincts were already in place. The doctor barely spoke a word as she maneuvered the the cord from around her neck and before I knew it, she was in my arms. I took in every moment. I studied her fingers, her hair, her eyes. She was perfect. I was in complete and utter awe. We had gone back and forth on her name, but I knew it in that moment; her name would be Eliana, an answer from God.
We spent the rest of our visit in quarantine as well as the next two weeks at home. Eliana tested positive for COVID-19 before leaving the hospital, but otherwise she was doing well. Eliana was such an easy going newborn, only crying when she was hungry or had a full diaper, but the symptoms of COVID-19 were beginning to set in. I couldn’t smell, taste, I had clogged ducts, I was tired, I had headaches and fevers, and two children needing every bit of energy I could give them. Aria was also being quarantined with us, but Felice still had to work. So there I was, managing a toddler, newborn, and myself while being sick. COVID-19 ruined the beginning of our experience together. We had no visitors. No one to tag in for help or needed sleep. Although the experience of being a mother allowed me the ability to relax this time around, COVID-19 caused me to be stricken with sickness and fear for the health of our newborn.
In December of 2020, Aria tested positive for COVID-19. We weren’t sure from where as we had not been in contact with anyone (to our knowledge) who had it, but we were asked to quarantine for twenty days. We missed Christmas and any other family events. It seemed oddly fitting that the birth of my second child would be the same.
Friends and family came together for us, dropping off meals at the door and anything else we needed during that time. Knowing of the worry that we had for Eliana, friends pitched together and delivered an Owlet Smart Sock the day we came home from the hospital. My husband and I were both overwhelmed to the point of tears.
We eventually were out of quarantine and incredibly blessed that COVID-19 did not offer any other complications for our family or for our health. We are now vaccinated and look forward to the memories that will be able to be shared with our families outside of quarantine. Here’s to hoping that this time around for the holidays, we will be able to see them.
In Between the Margins 